“Good Credit, Buy Anything!” – Trevor Noah – (African American)


It’s crazy, I’m loving it Living the American life
it’s crazy I actually learned to drive out here
which was fun Had to get a car obviously Which I just almost couldn’t get Had to fill out form and they want your credit because in America credit is very important I don’t understand the concept I went to the car dealership and
there was this Asian gentleman helping me And we are going through the forms
and he says How long have you lived in America for? I said
I haven’t lived here for long He said oh
this no good for you, this no good for you I said
what do you mean You can not lease car in America unless
you been here long time Because you don’t have credit okay I said well I’ve got the money to pay for it He says
yes that’s not the point okay That’s not the point
in America okay In this country we want credit okay Our country focus on credit If you got good credit you can buy anything We don’t care about money
we want credit I said
credit is the assumption that you can pay He’s like no that don’t count here okay In our country if you got good credit
you can buy anything okay His like our country
our country and I was like Look I hate to be rude
but when you say our country Do you mean our
because you live here now Or our
because the Chinese own it And he was like
ah it’s a bit of both okay But no credit no car for you
goodbye I couldn’t just buy myself a car this horrible thing, drive around and that’s the worst thing,
driving in America, wow on the other side of the road you feel like a rebel you know until you see the other cars
coming and then it’s not so much fun you know how many times I did
that, just going to the wrong side? Ugh! and don’t trust movies,
it’s not easy to do that whole thing No people don’t just
drive, no they stop they just look at you,
“what are you doing!” In the movies you drive past.
“what are you doing!” no they don’t drive, they just
wait for you to turn around and the streets are so small,
you’re doing one of those turns just watching them and
you’re ashamed, its horrible I had to practice for months, it was the worst I remember I drove into a street once I thought I had learned, it had been
months and I’d been doing it well and then I turned into the wrong way and I saw this little old
Asian lady driving towards me and I was like, “No!” and there was nobody else
so I swerved the car around I was like woo, yeah, hero! and I drove and there where 50
cars coming this way and I was like, Ugh you bitch!
Ugh! and funny, I told my friend this story I told him like this,
I was like this is what happened and he was like, “Ah, that’s so funny man,
that’s so funny and he asks who was driving the car? I said a little old Asian lady He’s like, “Oh yeah,
you cant say that man, you cant you cant say that.
I said, what do you mean? He’s like,
yeah you cant say she’s Asian I said why not? He’s like,”yeah,
because that’s racist.” I said what, that she’s Asian? He’s like, “No, if she’s a bad driver and you say she’s
Asian, that’s racist.” I was like,
so let me get this straight Asian’s are not allowed
to be called bad drivers? is this not racism in it self? everyone else is allowed
the world of bad drivers but if I’m driving on the
freeway behind an Asian person and they are swerving around and I go,
this bad driver you drive like crap! and I pull up next to them like Oh no, sorry, ha ha you’re not a bad driver, you’re just Asian I’m sorry isn’t it racism in it self? it’s madness so now what I had to do
to get around is use a GPS I decided to get one of those first I tried to be a cheapskate I thought get a phone with a GPS it was a horrible mistake bought myself one of
those I phones with Siri your assistant she talks to
you, she listens to you if you’re American she does not understand
one word I say I don’t understand
why, I speak English I’m there talking to her
(sound) She’s like, what do you need? I’m like Siri, please call Peter you want pizza? No, no, cancel, cancel Siri, I need Peter “you want pizza?”
No, Siri, Siri? I want Peter not Pizza “You want pizza?”
No, no No Siri, what’s going on here You want to, Peter, Siri,
Siri, Peter, Siri, Siri “You are not making sense.”
Siri, are you having a attitude at me? “you tell me”
I don’t know what the hell is going on here Siri, just listen to me “I don’t know”
What do you mean you don’t know? Siri just, ah bitch! Ugh! “Dialing mom”
What the hell?! It’s just horrible that’s when I had to buckle
down and get myself a real GPS to get me around. which has been working like a charm if you don’t have a
GPS, get yourself one it’s the best thing you’ll ever do just don’t make the mistake I
made, and buy it from Craigslist I bought one of Craigslist but the guy who sold
it to me didn’t tell me that it was a Spanish language GPS which is not so good I didn’t understand anything she says I still get around because the
arrows are in English, thank God but otherwise it was just horrible and I hated it the first few
days, and then and then I fell in love with
her, she’s just you know I don’t understand why more
Americans don’t speak Spanish it’s such a sexy language I’m just sitting there, and all the men
in here you want to feel like a man you get yourself a Spanish GPS Oh no, you don’t understand traffic never sounded sexier, just like I’d just punch in random
destinations and she guides me around She’s like
(GPS sound) (GPS Speaking Spanish) (GPS Speaking Spanish) and I’m just like, ha, ha, ha ha, ha, oh shucks Tomtom,
ha, ha don’t say that all the time, ha, ha it’s just sexy you know she guides me around, it’s beautiful I love that, I’m going to
learn Spanish because of that Definitely,
Spanish has gone up on my list I had a few languages and
Spanish was like the 6th language I spoke 4 languages in South Africa and then the 5th language
was going to be Japanese and then Spanish,
but now Spanish has gone up Japanese I’ve had to pause because of the earthquake, there’s
not that many of them traveling now it’s just sad,
there’s like no one now they used to walk around the
streets, you know but Spanish has gone up because I was getting good at
Japanese, don’t get me wrong I was getting really good you know and it’s a great
language, it’s powerful because you speak Japanese from
your chest it makes you feel strong (Speaking Japanese) very strong where as English you
speak from the head and the chest do you know what I mean? your head and chest you wouldn’t know this you wouldn’t know this if you listened
to many coastal girls in America like I’ve been in places
like California where woman insist on speaking English from their nose which is not the correct way “like oh my God you guys gonna like do this and I was like there with Tiffany
and we where talking and then” that’s not the right way,
you’re not using your lungs I know this because when I choked her she sounded exactly the same She’s there and she’s like “Oh my God you’re like
totally choking me right now and I cant breath and this is so not on,
I’m gonna Tweet about this this is like the worst thing ever I am so dying, OMG” you know, it’s horrible where Japanese is strong Japanese you speak from the
chest, you know a lot of Americans are
learning Chinese I see you know, I see people like “you gotta learn Chinese they are taking over, Chinese Ne hao ma! she shing nei Sha Nez” it’s too late to learn Chinese, it’s over No its true, because it’s also one
of the hardest languages in the world I mean how do you learn Chinese now? they’ve got over 10 thousand characters
in their alphabet, you know this? 10 thousand characters we’ve got 26 in English and there’s still people
going what comes after Q twenty six this is you know, 10 they have got
that’s super smart they must have the worst
sesame street in the world it must suck being a Muppet in that country see them on a Monday
morning singing to the kids (singing in Chinese) 5 years later (singing in Chinese) it’s just horrible Horrible

100 thoughts on ““Good Credit, Buy Anything!” – Trevor Noah – (African American)

  1. Thanks for watching! 🙌🏾Subscribe & turn on notifications to find out when I upload new videos! http://bit.ly/SubscribeTrevorNoah

  2. I've never really thought of the Chinese characters as the alphabet, to me each character is like a word, you join some words to make a word that has an actual meaning but there's also a lot of words that have meanings by itself. Some words have meanings by itself but have a different meaning when joined with another word.
    I guess that's not very unique to Chinese, but yeah, there's way too many characters. In a test, you can at least guess how to spell a word by sounding it out, but in Chinese, you're pretty much screwed if you forget how to write a character.

  3. Went to Nassau and no cab would take us to the other side of the island so we rented a scooter went up the wrong way on a concrete walled one lane blind corner we almost legitimately died

  4. not to kill the joke but if you still got your gps there is a language setting ((or should be)) alot of gps have like 20 different languages programed into them male and female voice

  5. Ok Trevor is African,but all those Americans who are born there are not Africans since generations,Why on earth,people keep indicating them from theirs race? Sick they see, the color first? Americans are racists.

  6. America and Switzerland have too many petty rules, I wouldn't want to live in a place you're treated like a kid all the time. They should rather make rules for their eating habits because the people eat too much junk and are terribly overweight.
    I don't like slang either also sounds like half educated kids too lazy to pronounce their words.
    I can speak Spanish, lovely language!! Que te vaya bien amigo. Hasta pronto!

  7. I was just recently introduced to Trevor Noah's comedy and I Love him!! He's hands down the funniest comedian I have ever heard! Fan 4 Life,thank you Trevor for bringing a much needed smile and laugh to my day 💚 You are the Best

  8. Chinese language is not too difficult to learn… no more than 3000 words used daily…. Usually 500 daily words are enough to read and write…. Yes it got many many words there but you no need to study all…. You can understand new word by the writting strokes or structure by the language setting rules…

  9. I still remember Trevor Noah hosting the YOTV with Byron on SABC and having him on my tour at Monkeyland in the Crags, Plettenberg bay.

  10. Almost got ran over by an asian lady on my bike. Could had got injured bc she was turning the corner at like 27mph.

  11. After I got laid off, I borrowed around $750 in one single day, look up in Google this without gaps On eLe n dOpp. C o m . They gave me super fast service and reasonable rates and APR.

  12. I definitely took a very rapid Funding from One LendOpp. Co m , I neede a payday funding, they careworn out me in 5 hours

  13. I don’t know… I don’t like some of the jokes in here cuz it’s bordering on offensive but I generally don’t like when mainstream comedians joke about Chinese American or Asians. Trevor’s is sort of funny and slightly better than the rest.

  14. This was great, thanks, I been tryin to find out about "how to fix my credit myself" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about – Fanrayson Creditor Indemnization – (should be on google have a look ) ? Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my mate got amazing results with it.

  15. ur name in Chinese is so cute u know that? It’s “崔娃”,which means “Tre-baby”, the pronunciation is the same as Trevor, greeting from China

  16. Hey, have you seen this
    https://www.hubopportunities.com/2020/04/digital-solutions-for-covid-19-pandemic-in-africa/

    I know you like IT so I thought I would let ya know

  17. https://youtu.be/Cdsq0XCo4aE. Thanks America for taking back this lunatic! Bless u x x x
    From UK.😮 ( we're still trying to recover from the lunacy n just not nice. Lies n blackmail n connecting herself with big names in American.
    Lol turned out to be. Epstein…(she ex hooker. )Weinstein. Oprah..few more I don't know. Many Disney ppl but I doubt it…At 45… Shes not royal..her ex hubby is the poor guy that got blackmailed n beasten up the aisle!!
    No baby. No Archie! All lies

  18. Actually, no

    Assuming the Muppet is able to "sing" say, 80 letters per minute, all it takes is a bit over two hours to sing 10,000 letters

    Granted, two hours just to sing the alphabet is a little excessive, but it still won't take five years

  19. Hi trevor .new subscriber
    ..you are awesome…inteligent.outstanding human being. Exellent sense of humor..very genuine. I wish u all the best in life .god bless…rowena

  20. This guy is way too smart for his own good, he forgot to mention donuts, no not the food you fat fucks! The car move DERRRR!

  21. trevor how could you blaspheme so much, dont you fear the LORD who is able to create matter, you said the LORD is flawed in one interview and said JESUS couldnt save Himself but do you know JESUS said that JESUS could have asked for legions of angels and the people who arrested JESUS were actually so scared that they couldnt until JESUS told them to, go reread the Bible because you do not know the LORD and watch kent hovind seminar 1-7 and ravi zacharias and it is your choice ELOHIM ( GOD ) or lucifer

  22. Crooked car salesman hate cash because they can't rip you off. All car dealerships are the most shady lying scum bag con artist in America!

  23. it's just coool. tshirt, jeans, jacket and normal boots. but there's some south african guy who makes whole world's laugh

  24. But really the chinese accent sounds really Cantonese to be specific, not mandarin. Mandarin doesn't sound like that

  25. U man talk better, i wonder y this racism shit come from, i wonder why being black or Chinese being racist

  26. 2:50
    In a reverse you cant say :
    "She is german…..she is a good driver" without beeing a racist ?
    Yes you can…Unfortunately nice…Greetings from Berlin with love !

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